My friends, I have written, revised, rewritten, and completely changed the topic of this post over the past two weeks. The truth of the matter is that I am not sure what to write. Of course there is the option of the seemingly obligatory, I am not dead statement when one takes time away from their blog. But that specific compulsory statement makes me think of some sort of blogger graveyard. I think a lot of people blog for different reasons, some (and really it’s a lot) want to get some sort of recognition, while others may just want to write their thoughts like a public diary of sorts. I am not certain what my exact reason is, I think I just like the creative process and the people who I’ve met.
However, lately I just haven’t made it a priority to post, it’s not like it wasn’t on my mind, but it just got pushed to the back. In fact I started versions of this very post and was called away a few times, each time I attempted to resume my thoughts on the subject matter had shifted in some ways. I felt bad about not really posting, but at the same time, I didn’t feel like dialing it in. But as my friend Liz pointed out (and mind you this is me paraphrasing) that our blogs are not graded. This made me realize I had been generating unnecessary guilt and stress for my lack of blogging. Aren’t friends the best at telling you what you need to hear to make your heart feel a bit better.
This made me wonder why I hadn’t been posting. I think the overall malaise stems from a general burned out feeling. You know how life is, you have the things you have to do and from time-to-time those things tend to occupy most of your day if not all of your waking hours. I think from there I was stricken with low to lack of motivation. This motivation issue seems to developed systematically. At first I had things I wanted to do and thought to just put them on the list of things to do, which hence forth shall be called: “the list”. Then those things I wanted to do were juggled around till they found themselves on the bottom of the list. Considering time and money, a lot of them started to be moved off the list till there were none that occupied the list. After they were removed from the list it then became laughable to conceive of these things I would like to do, because there were no allowances for them. After a while I forgot that there was such a thing as something I would like to do. What a sad turn of events.
Unfortunately, I think this happens more than we would like to admit in our grown-up lives. We just get so involved with our day-to-day lives and the things we don’t want to do, but have to do, that we neglect our dreams and passions. We become practical to a fault, and inevitably misery ensues. I found myself behaving and feeling uncharacteristic. More times than I care to remember, I was irritable, short of patience, and not feeling optimistic. There was a little grey storm cloud (whom I like to call Filbert) over my head.
I think another way of looking at it was that my lifestyle was out of balance. I didn’t have enough of the things that I loved in my life. Much to my chagrin I would never say that I was a person with a specific dream. I had flights of fancy, I’ve been determined and accomplished, and I’ve had things that I would like to do, but I am sorry to say that I don’t recall having a dream that I thought I would chase. Now all of this may be semantics, but I think there’s a bit of logic to it. I think for myself, I define a dream as something your heart truly desires therein which your actions then reveal themselves to follow/have purpose. Now to distinguish it from other goals further, I think there is an element of passion, you tend to invest all of yourself into this purpose, more than your other life choices.
After having said all this, I have begun to think that dreams are integral to your mental sanity. It’s almost as if it helps allows us to maintain a sanguine viewpoint on life. Maybe your love of your dream then becomes your drive/motivation. I also think these dreams are nourishment for your soul/inner self (or whatever you may call it). Having and chasing your dream may reinvigorate, refresh and revitalize you. I have decided to draw up some dream plans (how overly organized of me, at least I didn’t phrase it as a dream scheme). My strategy is to list out all the dreams I can think of, and incorporate them into my life one at a time. Probably start with the small ones first, baby steps, right.
And so, if you’ve made it through this rambling post, one thank you, and two what do you think of dreams? Or, conversely (perhaps three), do you feel like the everyday minutia has eclipsed all the fun in your life?