Last week it was raining as I was coming back from getting some of life’s little essentials. I took the back route, since it was about five and rush hour was starting to “coagulate” (rush hour can sometimes feel like you get trapped in this gel and are unable to move and would be made worse by the rain). My journey was filled with winding wooded paths and expensive homes. The sun playfully peeped through clouds and then shyly behind them. Every so often I’d pass through a brief stint of sprinkles. As I made my way home I looked up into my rear view mirror to see a rainbow. I thought to stop and take a picture, but there wasn’t a good place to pull over. It followed me all the way home as I periodically glanced up to see if it was still there. I was hoping that I would be able to see it all the way home, but that was sadly not the case as it left me a few blocks before I parked in my driveway.
Even though I was disappointed to not to be able to get the shot, I was happy to have it escort me most of the way home. This appreciation for that moment brought to me the thought of how many choices we make and the different paths that we could take. Since I’ve been making time for myself (a path in and of itself), and learning not to feel guilty about it, it feels like a lot of the things that I have been worried about have begun to right themselves. I started by doing one thing for myself, and then I found that I could schedule a bit more time for myself and for the activities I enjoyed doing incrementally. By taking better care of my self Ialso feel a lot better and find myself thinking more optimistically. And some of the things that I felt had less control over started to become a better situation.
Normally I believe in maintaining a balance in your life, and that what you give is what you get. But it felt like so many awful things were happening and I didn’t understand it, eventually I didn’t even question it. I was overwhelmed. It’s presence was stifling and as the problems piled up I began wallowing in them, it was an unnatural feeling and I didn’t know how to get out of it. Somehow I hadn’t realized how mean I was being to myself, and how there really wasn’t any need for it. When I made myself a priority in my life, instead of being so focused on the problem, I found it easier to manage the problem and send them packing.
Like a pendulum things just seemed to be swinging back to a wonderful place. And even though I didn’t enjoy that unnatural state of ick, the experience does enhance the appreciation I have for the good that’s come my way. Maybe it’s like going through a rain storm and then having a rainbow in your rearview mirror. It’s going to rain in the morning and I wonder if I’ll see another rainbow. Either way I think it’s going to be a lovely day.